Supersensers Unmasked. Recognizing Deeply Feeling Kids
Have you noticed that your child seems to feel things more deeply than others? Do they have super-sized reactions to ”no big deal” incidents? Perhaps they show remarkable empathy for others but can easily get stuck in a storm of big feelings. These children are often described as “sensitive” or deeply feeling kids.
Dr. Francheska Perepletchikova, a leading expert in child and adolescent psychology, has developed and extensively researched Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Children (DBT-C), providing valuable insights and techniques for supporting deeply feeling kids. Dr. Perepletchikova describes children who have big feelings, big thoughts and big behaviors as “supersensers.”
Is My Child a Supersenser?
Deeply feeling, supersenser children tend to share some common characteristics. Understanding these traits can guide you in determining if your child is a supersenser. As a general rule, deeply sensitive children:
1. Are Easily Triggered. Supersensers can react intensely to things that might seem small or even unnoticeable to others. These reactions can be sparked by something obvious and visible to others around them, but can also be triggered by a thought, a memory, or an uncomfortable feeling they have inside.
Example: Your child might have a major outburst because their favorite shirt is in the wash, even if they have plenty of other clothes to wear.
2. Have Intense Reactions (0 to 100). Supersensers often experience their emotions as a massive explosion that causes a great deal of distress. It may seem as if someone flipped a switch and your normally respectful, gente and empathetic child becomes enraged and verbally/physically aggressive.
Example: A small argument with a sibling might escalate into a full-blown tantrum, with your child screaming and breaking things in their room. Or, “Sorry, no mac and cheese for dinner tonight” evokes a tearful meltdown replete with slammed doors and threats to never eat again that lasts for hours.
3. React in a Flash (0 to 100 in the blink of an eye). Supersensers' emotional reactions are not only intense but also happen very quickly. They can go from just fine to enraged in a split second flat.
Example: Your child might be calmly doing homework one minute and then suddenly explode in anger if they can't find their favorite pencil.
4. Slow Return to Baseline. Once triggered, it can take a supersenser a lot longer to return to a calm state than their peers.
Example: After a meltdown, your child might stay upset for the rest of the evening, finding it hard to let go of the initial trigger. Or, after a stressful day at school, your child might remain irritable and withdrawn for the rest of the evening, unable to shake off the day's events.
What Does it all Mean? Challenges Associated with Supersenser-Reactivity
The heightened emotional reactivity experienced by deeply feeling kids is often linked with various difficulties that can affect different aspects of a child’s life. Here are some common challenges that kids with big feelings often experience:
Difficulty with tasks that require effort
Attention/Hyperactivity
Sensory sensitivities
Hygiene
Social/Interpersonal relationships
Impulse control
Boredom
Delayed gratification/waiting
Black and White or Inflexible thinking
What difference does it make?
Most parents work to provide their children with a stable, loving environment, set reasonable boundaries, and allow their children to experience and learn from manageable frustrations and challenges. And for most kids, this parenting approach is “good enough” to raise children who are emotionally healthy, resilient and prepared to meet the challenges of adulthood head on. This type of “good-enough parenting,” a term coined by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, refers to a parenting style that satisfies a child's essential emotional and physical needs without striving for perfection.
However, children are not created equal, and good-enough parenting may not be sufficient to meet the needs of all children. Deeply feeling kids, or supersensers, require special understanding and support to truly thrive. Recognizing whether your child is a supersenser can make a big difference in how you connect with and care for them.
Deeply feeling, sensitive children experience the world with heightened emotional intensity, reacting strongly to things that might seem minor to others. This can mean they need more than the average amount of patience, validation, and tailored strategies to help them manage their emotions. By understanding that your child feels things more intensely and reacts differently, you can see the world from their perspective and create a more comforting and supportive environment. This makes it easier for them to navigate their big emotions without feeling overwhelmed or invalidated.
Expert Parenting Required: The Next Step
If you recognize these traits in your child and are seeking ways to better support their unique needs, consider scheduling a consultation or joining one of our upcoming DBT-C parent training groups. We can teach you how to create a validating environment, coach your child through their emotional challenges, and develop effective coping and problem-solving skills together, while nurturing a positive and loving relationship.
