Meet Charlie: Summertime Strategies for Anxious Kids
Summertime is often seen as a carefree period for kids—a time for ice cream, pool parties, and sunshine. However, for children with anxiety, the break from routine and the pressure to participate in social activities can bring about a host of challenges. As a child and adolescent therapist specializing in anxiety, I understand that this season can stir up heightened worries in sensitive children. But with the right strategies, summer can also provide valuable opportunities to face and manage these fears.
As parents, you hold the key to understanding your children’s emotions better than anyone else—yes, even better than a therapist. You are your child’s most influential guide. When you show them how to face fears and tolerate tough feelings, they really take it to heart. Your example teaches them that while overcoming challenges can be difficult, they are more than capable of handling them. By consistently demonstrating coping skills and self-regulation in your own life, you provide a powerful model for them to emulate. And there is no better time to do this than the summer months!
Understanding Anxiety in New Settings
Anxiety can spike when children are introduced to new environments or experiences, common during summer months. Whether it’s a summer camp, a family vacation, going to the beach or meeting new friends, summertime is full of potentially anxiety-provoking situations. On the flip side, parents are more likely to be on hand to teach, model and support their children through their anxious thoughts and feelings than they are during the school year.
I've walked countless families through the process of preparing their anxious child for the inevitable worries that come up over the summer months. I'd like to introduce you to "Charlie," a 10-year old composite of some of the anxious kiddos I've been lucky to help in my private practice.
Meet Charlie
10-year old Charlie is scheduled to take a trip across the country to visit with his grandparents, whom he hasn’t seen in 8 months. He will be staying at his grandparents’ home together with his parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Charlie is worried about forgetting something that he will need at home, and is generally overwhelmed at airports. He also becomes anxious and irritable when his schedule is erratic. When Charlie's overwhelm and anxiety spike, he tends to ask questions endlessly and melts down easily.
Taking time to help parents plan ahead of new and potentially challenging summer experiences is something I love to do! What follows are some of the suggestions, tips and tools that parents and caregivers have found helpful in preparing themselves and their children for summer.
Parental Role: Orienting
Parents can play an important role in helping worried children by "orienting" them to what they can expect to happen, how they might feel and what they can do if and when they begin to become dysregulated.
Plan Ahead. Begin by discussing plans well in advance, leaving plenty of time to talk about what they might expect and role-play different scenarios. This preparation can reduce the fear of the unknown, and build a sense of confidence and competence about navigating the trip.
Calendar of events. Work together to create a calendar to record things like flights, car rides, scheduled events etc. Tech savvy kids enjoy using apps like Canva to create these, or a good, old-fashion box of crayons and markers will do the trick!
Visual schedule. Create a visual schedule that helps your child anticipate and check off the schedule for the day as it unfolds. Having a visual “agenda” gives children a sense of agency and independence as they don’t have to rely on parents to tell them “what’s next.” Feel free to download and use the Visual Schedule template I’ve created for my clients.
Feel free to download and use the Visual Schedule template I’ve created for my clients.
Checklist. For many anxious kids, having a checklist to refer to can be very helpful. In our scenario, Charlie becomes easily overwhelmed by air travel. A checklist would be a perfect way for Charlie to establish some predictability and independence as he navigates his trip.
Feel free to download and use the free Checklist template I use with my clients. Download HERE →
Body Scan. As children navigate new experiences, this is a great opportunity to help them become more aware of how anxiety manifests in their body. Discuss and explore feelings such as a racing heart, sweaty palms, or a stomachache, which can occur when they're nervous. Help them differentiate these sensations from those of excitement or anticipation, which can often feel similar. This understanding is crucial in helping them recognize their emotional and physical states more clearly.
Teach about Anxiety Scaling: Introducing your child to the concept of anxiety scaling, where they can rate their anxiety on a scale from 0 to 10 can be incredibly helpful! The anxiety scale can help them quantify just how anxious they are feeling in a particular situation. For instance, walking into a crowded room might initially feel like an 8, but with breathing exercises or a focusing technique, they might bring it down to a 5. I encourage kids and teens to first identify where they are on the anxiety scale, and then challenge themselves to see if they can bring their level of anxiety down a notch or two (or more) by using a coping tool.
I've created a "Worry Thermometer" to help my client with anxiety scaling.
Encourage your child to use this scale to identify the intensity of their anxiety in new or challenging situations encountered over the summer. By regularly using this tool, they can start to apply coping strategies proactively, aiming to keep their anxiety at the lower end of their personal anxiety scale.
Create a Self-Care Menu. Anxious kids can become easily overwhelmed by new situations and new people. Many of my clients have benefited from creating a self-care menu that they can refer to when they need a break, a rest or just need to regulate their nervous systems. You can create your own, or download one of my free self-care menus here.
Self-Care Menu for Younger Children
Self-Care Menu for Older Children/Teens
By practicing these techniques during less stressful moments, your child can become proficient in using them when truly needed, turning the summer months into a period of significant personal growth and learning in managing anxiety effectively.
As parents, you hold the key to understanding your children’s emotions better than anyone else—yes, even better than a therapist. You’re not just the primary observers of their fears and joys; you're also their most influential guides. When you show them how to face fears and manage tough feelings, they really take it to heart. Your example teaches them that while overcoming challenges can be difficult, they are more than capable of handling them. By consistently demonstrating coping skills and self-regulation in your own life, you provide a powerful model for them to emulate. This hands-on guidance is priceless, helping your children build the confidence and skills they need to navigate life's ups and downs on their own terms.
And who knows, you may just help your child avoid some of the back-to-school worries!
