From Fight or Flight to Safe and Sound: Applying the Polyvagal Theory to Parenting Anxious Kids
Have you ever wondered how your body manages to keep you alive and functioning, even when you're not paying attention? Do you know what your liver is busy doing as you read this? Are you making sure that you’re breathing at just the right rate to keep your body properly oxygenated?
If you’re like me, you pay little attention to the day-to-day workings of your kidneys, heart, lungs or pancreas. So, what keeps these vital organs running like clockwork and adjusting in real-time to changes in your environment?
The maestro behind the scenes of our vital organs and bodily functions? None other than the Autonomic Nervous System.
The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) operates round-the clock to keep our bodies functioning smoothly. Like a computer program that manages countless processes behind the scenes, the ANS regulates countless bodily functions that are essential for survival. It's responsible for everything from maintaining our body temperature and blood pressure, to controlling our heart rate, breathing and digestion.
And it does all of this below the level of conscious awareness – which means that it’s working 24/7 without us giving it a second (or first) thought. Automatically. Unconsciously. Involuntarily.
The ANS: One System, Two Branches, Three States
While the ANS is one complete system, this highly complex network is actually made up of two separate branches.
Sympathetic Branch- which activates the body's fight or flight response
Parasympathetic Branch- which promotes rest, relaxation, and digestion.
Historically, it was believed that the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches worked in opposition to one another, with the sympathetic branch being responsible for the "fight or flight" response (activation) and the parasympathetic branch responsible for the "rest and digest" response (deactivation). This paradigm provided the foundation for the “fight or flight” view that dominated much of the early research on stress and the nervous system.
This early view suggested that when we encounter a threat or stressor, the sympathetic branch if our nervous system activates to prepare us to fight or flee, while the parasympathetic branch is suppressed. This framework suggests a two-state system in which we are led either by the sympathetic branch in activation (flight/fight) or by the parasympathetic branch in rest and relaxation (deactivation).
However, as our understanding of the nervous system has evolved, it has become clear that the relationship between these two systems is more nuanced and complex than previously thought.
During the “Decade of the Brain” (1990-2000), a period of intense research and advancement in neuroscience, Dr. Stephen Porges first published the Polyvagal Theory. The Polyvagal Theory suggests that there are not two, but three distinct states of the autonomic nervous system, with the parasympathetic nervous system responsible for 2 of the 3 states and the sympathetic nervous system responsible for the 3rd state.
The Information Superhighway.
As you can imagine, managing intricate functions such as heartrate, breathing and digestion requires that a vast amount of information be transferred between the brain and the body in real-time.
For example, when we're stressed, our heart rate and breathing might speed up, while our digestive system slows down. This requires a precise and coordinated communication between various parts of the brain and the autonomic nervous system.
Similarly, when we're relaxed and at rest, our heart rate slows down, our breathing becomes deeper and more regular, and our digestive system ramps up. Again, this requires precise regulation and coordination between the brain and the body.
Carrying all of this information back and forth is the longest cranial nerve in the body, the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve, which runs from the brainstem down through the neck, chest, and abdomen, plays a key role in regulating many of our bodily functions. Like a superhighway, the vagus nerve is the major thoroughfare that carries signals and information between the brain and various organs and tissues, including the heart, lungs, digestive system, and immune system.
The vagus nerve itself is divided into two complexes: the ventral vagal complex, which is involved in social engagement and connection, and the dorsal vagal complex, which is responsible for immobilization and dissociation. Together, these make up the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system.
Now that we understand that the vagus nerve serves as a conduit for the ANS, transmitting information back and forth across the three neural pathways, let’s look at where all of this information is coming from.
Neuroception: Detecting Threat and Promoting Safety
At the core of the Polyvagal Theory lies the process of neuroception, which is the nervous system’s ability to detect and respond to cues of safety and threat in the environment. Unlike perception, which is a conscious process, neuroception operates outside of our awareness and is mediated by the autonomic nervous system in the lower regions of the brainstem.
Neuroception is the process by which our nervous system continuously scans for cues of safety or danger in 3 distinct domains:
Outside-the environment outside of our body
Inside- the environment inside our body
Between-what is taking place between our nervous system and the nervous system of others around us.
The cues and clues gathered through the process of neuroception are used by the vagus nerve to trigger one of the three physiological states which determine how we then respond.
Ventral Vagal
Sympathetic Activation
Dorsal Vagal
The Polyvagal Ladder: Responding to Stress and Safety
Researcher and clinician Deb Dana, has developed a model for conceptualizing the 3 nervous system states as a hierarchical ladder. Dana (2018) suggests that the cues of safety or danger received through the process of neuroception determine where on this hierarchical ladder we will find ourselves. She also posits that it is possible to move quickly up and down the autonomic ladder, that these states exist on a continuum and that we can experience a blend of several of these states at once as we move through our day-to-day.
Ventral Vagal. The ventral vagal state is our “safe and social” state. When we're in this state, our social engagement system is active and we're ready to connect with others and what's happening around us. Our body feels relaxed and secure, which helps us tune out distractions and focus on what's important. We feel comfortable, calm, connected and at ease, which makes it easier to engage with the world in a positive way.
Sympathetic Activation. When we experience stress or danger, the sympathetic nervous system kicks into gear, activating the fight or flight response and preparing us to either fight off the threat or run away from it. This can lead to increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and heightened alertness, among other physiological changes.
Dorsal Vagal. The dorsal vagal state is characterized by a shutdown response, in which the body conserves energy by reducing heart rate, blood pressure, and respiratory rate. This state is associated with feelings of immobilization, disconnection, and dissociation and is often seen in response to extreme stress or trauma.
Connecting the Dots: Coregulation and the Safe and Social State
Coregulation is a core principle of the Polyvagal Theory. Coregulation refers to the idea that social interaction can play a key role in regulating an individual's physiological state. When we interact with others, our nervous systems become synchronized, with each person's physiological state influencing the other. This process is facilitated by the social engagement system, which allows us to connect with others and regulate our emotional and physiological states.
For example, a mother and her infant may engage in reciprocal interactions, with the mother's soothing touch and vocalizations helping to regulate the infant's physiological state, while the infant's positive response reinforces the mother's sense of connection and safety.
The Polyvagal Theory suggests that coregulation is essential for healthy social functioning and emotional regulation, and that disruptions to the social engagement system can have long-lasting effects on an individual's well-being.
Coregulation has become a hot topic in many areas of wellness, from mental health to parenting to workplace culture. The idea that social interaction can play a key role in regulating our physiological and emotional states has gained widespread attention, as researchers and practitioners seek to understand how we can support healthy social functioning and emotional regulation. By exploring the science behind coregulation and developing tools and strategies to promote positive social interaction, researchers and clinicians are developing new approaches to mental health and wellness that prioritize social connection and positive relationships as key components of overall well-being.
Calming the Storm: How Coregulation Can Help Parents Support Anxious Children
For parents with an anxious child, coregulation can be a powerful tool to help their child regulate their nervous system and feel more safe and secure. Because neuroception involves scanning the environment (outside, inside and between) for cues of safety or danger. The nervous system response and behaviors of those near an anxious child are certain to impact them.
When children become upset, if those around them become activated, their neuroception will pick up signals of danger. If those around the child remain calm, the child’s neuroception will pick up signals of safety, allowing the child to return to a ventral vagal/social engagement state more readily.
Bottom line? Kids pick up on the moods of those around them. That means that it is critical for adults to self-regulate before they can co-regulate.
Looking for some ideas on how you can use coregulation to calm your anxious child? You can start by:
Modeling calm and confident behavior can help children feel more grounded and supported during moments of anxiety.
Using a calm and soothing voice when communicating with their child
Using your own physiology to regulate your child's nervous system, such as through slow and intentional breathing or providing soothing physical touch.
Engaging in active listening, validating emotions, and responding warmly and empathically can foster positive social interaction and further promote emotional regulation.
Using touch, such as holding hands or giving a comforting hug, to provide a sense of physical regulation and security.
Using breathing exercises and other calming techniques together, which can help regulate both the parent's and the child's nervous systems.
By using coregulation to support their anxious child, parents can help build a secure and supportive environment that promotes emotional regulation and overall well-being.
Coregulation, the autonomic ladder and neuroception, are the three key organizing principles of the Polyvagal Theory. The connection between our nervous system, emotions, and social experiences has long fascinated scientists and researchers. The Polyvagal Theory, neuroception, and coregulation offer an exciting new lens through which we can explore this complex web of interactions. By digging deeper into the ways our bodies respond to social and environmental cues, we can unlock powerful tools for emotional regulation, social connection, and overall wellness.
With the help of practices like coregulation, which emphasizes the importance of supportive relationships and positive social interaction, we can strengthen our nervous system and foster greater resilience in the face of life's challenges. As these concepts continue to gain traction in a range of fields, from healthcare to education, we have a unique opportunity to reshape the way we understand our own bodies and the world around us.
Want to learn more about how the Polyvagal Theory can be used to help your anxious child, download this FREE resource on the Safe and Sound Protocol.
